Learn to Dance in The Rain
In these rapidly changing times, we are all experiencing our fair share of unexpected curveballs. So what do you do when bad things happen? Sometimes we just need to learn to dance in the rain!
Life isn’t all about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.
DUCK! Here comes a curveball
I don’t know about you, but I feel that since the new millennium businesses have been hit with a series of unexpected curveballs, that have struck us right out of the blue and each following relentlessly on the coat-tails of the previous one. We had the tech bubble burst in 2002, then the 2008-12 Global Financial Crash & Recession. The ongoing Climate-Change Crisis along with Brexit in the UK. And to top it all, now of course we’ve been clobbered with a whole set of curveballs with this pandemic. The sheer intensity feels exhausting doesn’t it? And, will we ever get out from being down under?
Often, as leaders we have no control as to what, where, when or why these curveballs happen.
But here's the rub - you are in control of how you choose to deal with them.
I don't know about you but, when bad things come along, I just want them to go away. That reminded me of this famous quote:
What does it mean to dance in the rain? To dance in the rain is a metaphor.
It means:
"A person has learned not to allow circumstances deter them reaching their full potential. They don't wait for bad things in their life to go away. Instead, they have a positive attitude and take challenges head on and enjoy the journey." (Christine Smith, Family and Consumer Education at Wayne County, North Carolina 2013).
I believe this is a useful leadership lesson.
If you look for problems you will get beset by them, because that is what you focus on. Why do we focus on what we don’t want? It’s a really bad strategy because what ever you focus on is what you end up getting.
Therefore, it is a far more resourceful strategy to focus on the solution to what you want. By focusing your attention here, you get better results every time!
Hmm - fate, or destiny? Choices, choices!
I have observed that without any deliberate strategy or development, people default to reacting to life's circumstances. Our default reactions are driven by fear, or habit, and these responses condition us to take a path set by fate. This in effect means we shrug our shoulders because we buy into the notion that events happening to us are outside our control. However this is not actually the case at all.
Every once in a while a person just like you, or me comes along and knocks down all the obstacles that fate puts in their way.
These are the people that realise free will is a gift. But, here's the thing - you won't know how to use it until you unwrap it.
Therefore, you don’t have to follow fate because you can put the effort in and challenge that notion for yourself at any time. When you do this, you begin to deserve the right to reach for your destiny instead.
It isn't an easy road thought, it is the one less travelled!
But, when something rains on your parade, dealing with it still takes courage, character, attitude and conviction. These are essential leadership qualities. What's more, neuroscience says you can train your brain to develop these. We will explore this next.
Uh oh! - we found this monkey in your brain
Sometimes in our lives, when it rains, it pours. That can trigger one or more self deceptions. Self deceptions (or limiting, conditioned habitual behaviousr) are basic survival neuro-pathways that your brain can build. When in play, it fires off all sorts of negative mind chatter that fills up your head with bad thoughts.
For instance:
Typical, why does this always happen to me?
Why am I never worthy (or good, pretty, clever) enough?
I always get things wrong; I’m a failure, why do I never learn?
Professor Loretta Breuning, Ph.D. neuroscience expert, author and founder of the Inner Mammal Institute picks up this theme. She says, 'when your brain senses threat it releases a spike of cortisol - the stress hormone. Cortisol is nature’s emergency alert system. That spurt arouses your survival and protection reactions to avoid a threat. Cortisol creates a bad feeling and that also sparks your limiting beliefs to get your attention.'
It is the wiring of the downstairs part of your brain that warns you of external signals of danger or anything like what has hurt you before. Loretta goes on to say, 'if you always treat that cortisol blast as if it’s a real threat, you end up with more being triggered' – and your negative mind chatter hijacks your brain.
So, a practical way to deal with difficult circumstances is to recognise a bad feeling as it happens. That feeling is an old neural-pathway that has set off the flow of cortisol. Loretta believes the trick is that when you sense it, give your body time to dispel the cortisol release.
Back to my metaphor, to dance in the rain! It is useful to find a distraction to interrupt any limiting beliefs and exit those old patterns.
You get to decide and choose in every moment. (Loretta Breuning)
Train your brain for a change
As a leaders thought, you are at their best when you engage your upstairs (thinking) brain. Not only is your upstairs brain infinitely capable, did you know that it also has access to your happy chemicals such as dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and endorphin?
Loretta says that your upstairs brain looks for facts that make you feel good. When you engage your happy chemicals, they give you a boost. Moreover, they override the feel bad factor of cortisol. Every rain cloud has a silver lining!
Loretta recommends that you can:
Take a step toward a goal, whether a huge goal or tiny goal. This releases dopamine, the reward chemical because your brain anticipates reward instead of anticipating pain.
Stimulate oxytocin – the hug chemical too, with a little faith, take a small risk or a step toward trust (a little bit of real trust is much better than lots of fake trust).
Prompt serotonin by comparing yourself favourably with others instead of wondering what they might say and think about you.
Trigger endorphin with a belly laugh - a real laugh. So, make time for humour and things you find funny. Endorphin is released to counter pain too. So, it gives us a feeling of joy when we work hard to overcome an obstacle.
Check out this inspired video clip of a child’s simple, but profound words on a rainy day. At the same time, it teaches us not to sweat the small stuff:
Ten useful tips for managing curveballs
So with all the barrage of corona-crisis-curveballs, coming at us these tips may very well help you engage the upstairs part of your brain along with your happy chemicals and to proactively reach for a purpose that is way beyond things just happening to you.
They also teach you not to take yourself so seriously at work and in life:
Have a go at taking the occasional risk. Like the mother in the above video clip, challenge your embarrassment. Nobody will care if you get a bit ‘red-faced’ once in a while.
Set yourself a goal to take a chances. For example, take time out to build your team, or present your ideas and passions to wider audiences - be courageous.
Drop the pretense that you are The Big Cheese. Eat a bit of humble pie for a change and start to accept other peoples’ ideas too. You might surprise yourself.
To make a mistake is okay. But your fixed mindset will tell you that you aren’t capable if you fail. The trick is to learn from failure and that leads to better future success.
It's okay to lose once in a while - things don't always work out. The trick here is not to make a habit of it.
Give yourself a slap on the back whenever you stop yourself being harsh and critical. Learn to feel good about others and yourself instead.
The ultimate source of happiness is a positive mindset. So, see the funny side of your oversights and flaws.
Be generous, kind and above all forgive others (how are you doing with that one?). Have gratitude too
Nothing is permanent
Smile, if you want a smile back.
So, work on these tips, get out of your own way and every now and again dance in the rain. Let go of the little things and don't let problems rain on your parade!
END
[1,200 Words]
Very special thanks to Loretta Breuning, PhD (Inner Mammal Institute) as guest co-writer. Loretta provided her expertise for The Neuroscience Bit.
Andrew Jenkins - PDX CEO
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